5 Times Kirk was Sexually Harassed & 1 He Wasn't
by Mrs. SpockKirkMcCoyScott
Summary: It seems no one can resist the charm of James Tiberius Kirk...but really guys, you're freaking the Captain out. Keep your hands/tentacles/feelers to yourself! *Thanks for reading and reviewing!*


1. Scotty

Scotty had had alot to drink at the crew's Christmas party and as the night wore on, he was getting more and more touchy feely than usual. As Captain, Jim was the one to tell him to lay off the eggnog for a while until he was at least semi-sober again. Scotty just looked on, nodding his head occasionally, and Jim knew what he was saying was going in one ear and out the other.

"Alright Scotty, we're gonna get you back to your quarters now. Up we go!" Jim said cheerfully, hoping that would make his friend listen better.

He seemed resistant to Kirk helping him along until he realized that he couldn't stand very well on his own much less walk. Jim was glad that he hit the gym this week so he was strong enough to drag the heavier man back to his room.

"Ok, here we are. Do you need anything before I go, Scotty?"

And before he knew what was happening, Scotty had him pressed up against his door, kissing Jim like there was no tomorrow. Jim pushed the drunken Scotsman off of him and directed him to the bed. He passed in just minutes.

When he returned to the rec room, he was still wiping off his lips, praying that Scotty wouldn't remember this tomorrow because he was going to try his damnedest to repress it from his memory. Unless he needed a special favor from Scotty in the future, that is.

2. Arashona

"Help! I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go!" Jim yelled, hands gripping the door frame an alien woman was trying to drag him through.

"Come on, hot stuff. It won't hurt _too_ bad!"

Her tentacles started wrapping around his legs, slowly traveling northward.

"Hey! Those aren't supposed to be there!" he shouted wondering where the heck Bones and Spock were to rescue him.

Suddenly his friends rounded a corner and ran to his side.

"Release the Captain, Arashona," commanded Spock.

Seeing the Vulcan's angry glare, she slowly undid the tentacles that had been in his pants and the other one that was caressing his belly.

"Vulcans ruin all the fun!" she huffed as she stormed off.

"And that, Jim, is why you don't flirt with alien ambassadors," said a smug McCoy.

Jim decided that Bones was right.

3. Bones

All day Bones had been acting like a total klutz. Everything from tripping over his own feet to dropping things made of glass; he was like a bull in a china shop.

"Everyone should probably just stay away from me today because I keep--," he started to say, turning around to face his crew.

However, just as he turned around, he ended up putting his hand right up in Jim's crotch, earning him as gasp of surprise from both parties involved.

"--having accidents...Sorry, Jim, I really didn't mean to just molest you like that."

Both men's faces were red.

"That's all fine and good, Bones, but could you please move your hand now?" asked Jim, not looking him in the eye.

"I think I need to take a personal day," said Bones, nearly bolting off the bridge before he even heard Jim consent.

It was just going to be one of those days, he thought, just before walking into his door.

4. Uhura

"Look, Uhura, I know we've got to pretend I'm your sex toy to these creeper aliens, but could you ease off a bit?" whispered Jim to his Communications Officer.

Apparently in Lorien culture, men were enslaved to women to ensure the women were always sexually pleased. And since Uhura was the only Senior Staff woman on the bridge, she had to act as their cover. She seemed to be enjoying her task a little too much by taking pleasure in making him squirm.

"Now, James, is that any way to speak to your owner?" she asked as she rubbed his back lower and lower until she was practically grabbing is butt.

If this had been three years earlier, he would have so been into this, but now that she and Spock were engaged, he was a little freaked out.

"Is this your way of getting back at me from three years ago?" he asked her.

"Yes. How do you like being the piece of meat on display?"

He sighed to himself. Why had he been such a prick when he was younger? Whatever the reason, karma was officially biting him the ass.

5. Spock

After a long day at work, Jim was looking forward to a much needed and deserved sleep. Maybe he would even have a relaxing dream that would have him waking up smiling the next day. What he didn't expect was Spock being in his dreams.

{Dream}

He was in a night club with loud music and flickering blue, purple, and red lights. He looked around but didn't recognize where he was or any of the people in the bar. That is, until Spock came up to him and started making out with him.

"Well this is new," he thought both consciously and unconsciously.

Then he was being pulled into a back room where there was a big bed and it was nearly pitch black. Suddenly his clothes were being removed by the Vulcan without him even asking first or showing signs of hesitation. He realized where this was going.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Spock, please don't do this. I mean, I know we've been friends for a while, but I just don't like you like that."

"Shut the hell up, Jim. This is going to be played by rules and you're going to cooperate."

"No! No! No!"

{Waking up}

He woke himself up with his own yelling and he was panting really hard. He noticed his body was covered in a cold sweat. God it was going to be hell facing Spock on the bridge today.

0. Chekov

"Oh, Keptin, zank you so much for remembering my birthday!" shouted Chekov.

"Well, kid, you only turn 18 once."

"Zhat is true. But I am grateful to you," he said, holding out his hand.

Jim flinched. Oh no, was Chekov just going to be another person to add to his list of 'People who have molested me?' As it turned out, all the boy wanted to do was to shake his Captain's hand.

"Oh...Really? That's it?" he asked, still not sure.

"Of course. Vhat vere you expecting from me?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it."

He then extended his hand, shook Chekov's, and they both went back to their posts. Jim breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe it _was_ possible for him to go a whole day without being sexually harassed.


End file.
